Fire By Moonlight
by Talyon365
Summary: Summary: AU Bilbo is tricked into attending the cabaret show Fire by Moonlight by some friends. Not that he holds it against them for very long, at least not until the last dancer slides himself across the bar and locks eyes with Bilbo.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary** : Bilbo is tricked into attending the cabaret show Fire by Moonlight by some friends. Not that he holds it against them for very long, at least not until the last dancer slides himself across the bar and locks eyes with Bilbo.

 **Author's Note** : This is actually my first fic, I was a bit hesitant about uploading it and it's taken me about a year to convince myself to actually post something. So here it is, please feel free to give me any tips or helpful criticism, I'm always open to improve my writing… I hope you like it!

Bilbo began to feel panic flare through his anger and annoyance, as his group was called over to move into the next room.

"Come on Bilbo, it's just a little cabaret show. Completely harmless!" Bofur said, patting Bilbo's shoulder as he walked past him.

Bilbo, silently cursed all their names as he shuffled into the dark room with the rest of his group. The music was the first thing he noticed as he entered the room, it was pumping loudly through some speakers that sounded like they were on their last legs. The second thing was a pole, about two feet away from the stage that was placed in the centre of the room. It had a large sign on it reading: PLEASE DO NOT USE. Bilbo scrunched his face up as he thought of what sort of imbecile would purposefully make a fool of themselves by attempting to use the pole.

Bilbo felt a frown stretch across his face when he heard several muffled laughs coming from the direction of his friends. Obviously they thought his discomfort was amusing, he still couldn't believe they hadn't told him where they were going! They found a booth with a low table placed in the centre, which had an excellent view of the whole room, but mainly, the stage. The booth filled pretty quickly with their numbers, and Bilbo gulped as he and a few others had to move a high table and some bar stools closer to the booth. Bilbo didn't like this, he felt much too exposed from this spot and he felt extremely vulnerable.

Bilbo heard giggling to his left and he looked over to find Fili and Kili staring at him with humorous looks on their faces. He gave them a frown before looking away from them. He would not give them the satisfaction of a conversation or anything to fuel their humour. Especially after not telling him about this, Bilbo swore to himself that he would forever hold this against them.

"Bilbo," a voice called out from behind him over the music.

But Bilbo was stubborn, he refused to turn around and acknowledge anyone at this point. Or most likely, for the rest of the night. He focused all his attention studying his surroundings, the room was darkly lit with only the house lights on over the bar that was placed directly behind the stage. The bench top of the bar was the same height of the stage, if it weren't for the difference in colours, it would have been hard to tell where one ended and the other started. Bilbo thought it a little odd as it must hinder the patrons from being able to purchase beverages. Although, judging by the line that was forming at the small section of the bar that wasn't blocked off, it would appear that it didn't.

Bilbo was just thinking to himself that he may need at least one drink to get through the night, when he jumped out of his skin as soon as a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned to see Thorin standing beside him, Bilbo said nothing and just shrugged Thorin's hand off his shoulder.

"Please don't be like this, Bilbo" Thorin said with a grin on his face, "try to have some fun! I think you'll enjoy it!"

"That's not the point Thorin," Bilbo stated irritated, frowning once again. "You lied to me, you said this was just a night out on the town with the lads! You deliberately kept the real reason of why we came out tonight and lied to me."

"I didn't lie, we ARE out on the town, and we ARE with the lads!" Thorin's laugh was cut short as Bilbo's frowned turned into a deathly looking glare. Thorin's face fell slightly as he realised that Bilbo wasn't in the mood to be joshed with. "I am sorry my friend, but I didn't think you'd actually join us if we told you, and I thought you'd like it. Even if you were a little shy about it at first." Thorin gave Bilbo a small smile at the latter statement.

"I'm not shy," Bilbo grated.

"I wouldn't say that," Fili chimed in which made his brother turn his head away, as he tried to hide his snicker into his hand. Bilbo snapped his head in their direction and gave them an equally deathly looking glare, shutting them up instantly.

Before anything else could be said the lights in the room dimmed, red and pink stage lights illuminated the room. A loud voice began to speak over the music, making Thorin's last chance to reply impossible.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you are all sitting comfortably," a few squeals were let out around the room as a confirmation before the commentator continued. "Without further ado, I give you Cabaret Fire by Moonlight!"

The room was sent into darkness as the lights dimmed to nothingness and excited chatter hummed around the room. Bilbo wiggled in his seat, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he was still unsure what to expect. A spotlight to the right of the stage revealed a fully clothed man in a hat, with a cane in his hands. Bilbo let out a small sigh of relief when he saw that he was fully clothed, from his black hat and coat, down to his shoes. Music began to play once more and a few cheers went out as the man broke out in a hip hop dance. Bilbo was just beginning to calm himself when the man started to remove his coat.

Bilbo was soon beyond his comfort zone as the man's clothes kept shredding off, piece by piece until he was dressed in some very tight and colourful underwear. The room erupted in whoops and cheers as the dancer began to go through the crowd, stopping to grind on one person, gyrating on the next, even placing his hat on a woman's head. Bilbo felt his cheeks burn red and his blood pump harder as he realised the dancer came closer and closer towards their booth. He sighed in relief when the dancer made his way back to his starting point in time to pull a pose with his cane resting against one of his shoulders, for the end of the song. The room once again erupted into cheers and applause, as the room went dark, presumably to evoke anticipation for the next act.

The next few acts continued much like the first, every act had a different theme and style of dance and always leaving a prop behind with a patron. Each time a dancer came into the crowd Bilbo would tense up with anxiety, and each time he was missed for the audience participation part of the routines, Bilbo blew out a sigh of relief. The room darkened once more for the next act, Bilbo had become too tired to sit ramrod straight any longer and relaxed a little into his chair.

A spotlight came on centre stage to reveal… nothing. There was no one on stage, Bilbo was beginning to think they had made some sort of mistake, until some jazz music began playing over the speakers. As soon as the piano began playing, a figure shot out from the left side of the stage, and slid on his knees, half way across the bar where he stood up abruptly as the voice began singing. The man was tall, handsome and wearing a suit, Bilbo could not take his eyes off him. The man moved like the spotlight existed only for him, he dominated the room with his presence. The dancer soon removed his jacket in one fluid motion and flicked it behind him, a bartender catching it with ease.

Bilbo watched intensely as the man continued to dance without pause. He moved effortlessly, even as he bent over backwards until his hands reached the floor, legs following after to land in a splits. Bilbo's mouth opened slightly and cheers broke throughout the room to show the crowd's appreciation and amazement. The dancer shifted his weight to his hands as he swept his legs out and underneath him to leave him standing on his feet again. Bilbo's heart stopped beating for a split second and his breathe caught in his throat as his eyes somehow seem to lock with the dancer's.

Heat flooded to his cheeks and his stomach twisted a little as smirk that seemed only for Bilbo, flash across the dancer's face. Quick as it happened, the moment disappeared and the dancer was back into his routine. When the he made his way down the steps to the stage, several whoops and cheers sounded throughout the room. Even though the dancer was on the other side of the room from him, Bilbo's heart began to beat erratically as he watched on eagerly.

Cheers erupted from one of the tables to the left as the dancer did a body roll against one of the other patrons before turning around to do a slow drop. The patron in question looked like they were torn between cheering and passing out, the decision was made too late as the dancer moved on. The dancer moved on to the next patron, straddling one of their knees, and used their hand to slowly loosen the tie around his neck. But before they could fully remove it, he did a quick slide backwards to the beat of the song and danced his was across the room and didn't stop until he was directly in front of Bilbo.

Bilbo didn't know what to do, it was like time had slowed down, and he could barely breathe as those eyes locked on his again. Bilbo thought he could get lost in those ocean eyes. That was of course, until the dancer slid forward on his knees until he reached Bilbo, placing both his hands on Bilbo's knees. Bilbo was sure he let out a startled squawk but it was lost within the music. Several whoops and cheers went out from his left and behind him and his friends all applauded extra loud.

Bilbo's focus turned fully onto the dancer when he felt the pressure of his weight on his knees as the dancer slowly raised himself, barely leaving an inch between them. When he was standing upright, Bilbo raised his gaze to keep them lock on the dancer's eyes. Bilbo felt his own eyes widen when he felt the dancer straddle his knees and began grinding on him. Heat was sent flying throughout Bilbo's body and he felt as if electricity was dancing through his veins.

The dancer's hands went to his own neck, and pulled the loosened tie over his head, and pulled it over Bilbo's before tightening it. Perhaps a bit too tightly, not that Bilbo seemed to mind at the time. Bilbo was sure the dancer must have felt him swallow thickly as his knuckles brushed against the bottom of his throat. The dancer bend his head down to Bilbo's ear, blowing in it a little and seemed to smirk for but a moment as he felt a shiver travel through the man under him. Bilbo felt as if he should be doing something but wasn't sure of what when the dancer said in a deep, velvety voice, "Take off my shirt."

Bilbo was sure he had heard wrong, "w-what?" he stuttered as he looked up at the dancer with a dumb founded expression on his face.

"My shirt," the dancer repeated a little louder and got closer to his ear, "take my shirt off."

Bilbo nodded, speechless as he turned his focus to the buttons on the dancer's shirt at his eye level. Bilbo fumbled over the top button as his fingers shook with either adrenaline or nerves, he still wasn't quite sure. A couple seconds later of more fumbling, he heard a deep rumbling laugh come from the dancer before they said, "What's the hold up? Have you not done this before?"

Bilbo felt his cheeks flame up, but finally managed to get the first button undone. The others quickly followed as he made his way down the shirt, when he undid the last one the dancer breathed heavily in his ear as he said, "take it off." Bilbo eyes widened and he took a quick glance up through his eyelashes at the dancer's face before pushing the shirt off his shoulders. As soon as it reached the dancer's elbows, he gave Bilbo's knees one last grind before gracefully stepping back and danced his way around the room once again.

The dancer ended his routine back of the middle of the stage with his shirt tucked on the back of his pants by the collar. When the lights dimmed and the room was plunged into darkness, some faint music began playing as the commentator's voice came back on over the speakers.

"And that concludes our show for this evening folks! The bar will be open until 2am and the dance floor, and stage, are open for business!" The crowd cheered as the lights came back on and music began playing. "Any patrons who have a prop from one of the shows, the dancers will come out in the next twenty minutes to come find you." A few whoops were let out, and Bilbo startled out of a slight daze, as Kili and Fili patted his shoulder and let out some hearty laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Bilbo felt like his heart was about to fall out of his chest, his friends had scattered around the room, mostly to the bar though. Bilbo hadn't moved from his stool, he couldn't. His legs felt as if they were made out of lead, so he just sat, staring off into space as he was left with his thoughts. Bilbo flinched internally as a flashback of those ocean eyes locking onto his. He reached his hand up to fiddle with the end of the tie. He looked at the tie and suddenly he felt too hot and too constricted and Bilbo rushed to loosen it. In his haste to loosen the tie, he ended up tightening the knot too much and only managed to get a few inches. Bilbo gave up, it'll have to do for now, he had other things to worry about.

He was coming to find him, that's what's the announcer said, within the next twenty minutes. Panic flared anew in his chest, he hadn't been paying attention to the time when his friends had departed for the bar. Bilbo snapped back to reality and whipped his head around, the empty stage and surrounding dance floor was now packed with dancing patrons. Fili and Kili were dancing together, laughing quite boisterously at Thorin, who was also dancing with some rather cringe worthy moves. Bilbo wasn't sure what to do, he wasn't sure if he wanted another run in with his dancer. Quite frankly, he didn't think his heart could take another strain like that. But then again, those eyes were rather lovely to look into.

Bilbo began chewing on his lip and stood up as he debated whether or not he should just take the tie off, leave it on his chair and slip out before anyone noticed. The idea started to sway him towards it and the feeling in his legs began to return. He nodded to himself and moved his hands to take it off when Bofur's loud hearty voice came through the loud music.

"So laddy, did you enjoy the show? You got quite the treat didn't you?" he said with a sly grin.

Bilbo frowned as he felt a bit of annoyance flare through his panic, he wouldn't be in this predicament if it wasn't for these people.

"I still don't really want to talk to any of you," Bilbo said not really looking at Bofur.

He frowned as he heard Bofur laugh before giving him a firm slap on the back.

"Come on, it's a boys night out! Lighten up!" Bofur slung his arm around Bilbo's shoulder and pointed towards Thorin, "How often do we actually manage to get that man out of his office on a Friday night?"

Bilbo didn't say anything, but the frown wouldn't remove itself. Everyone knew that Thorin was a workaholic and to pry him out of his office chair was cause for a celebration indeed. But Bilbo was still way out of his comfort zone and stubborn as hell. He would not so easily forget this, oh yes. They would all keep! He shrugged Bofur's arm off his shoulder and turned to him.

"Well then," he said stiffly, "I'll let you boys have a good night, I'll just be off."

Bofur opened his mouth to say something when a deep voice sounded behind them saying, "Leaving so soon?"

Something in Bofur's expression made Bilbo's eyes widen and his stomach drop with dread. He swallowed loudly, thankful for the music that made it impossible to hear, before turning to see who it was. Standing before them, was the tall, and the-much-more-handsome-up-close, dancer. The smirk that Bilbo had seen before was there again, except it was much more obvious. He had his back leaning up against the table that Bilbo had just vacated, with his arms crossed in front of his chest. The dancer was wearing black suit pants with a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Bilbo heard a quiet laugh coming from behind him and started a little as Bofur's hand once again dropped onto his shoulder.

"I'll leave you alone to talk to your new friend," Bofur said and left to join the others, who had begun to turn their focus on Bilbo, one at a time.

Bilbo reached out his hand towards Bofur, to beg him to stay but snatched his hand back, flicking his fingers out nervously. He swallowed any pleas for his friend to return and turned his attention back to his new 'friend', who was now turned to face him. The smirk had turned to an amused look. It irritated Bilbo. A lot.

"Come now, don't be shy," the dancer said to him with a smile.

Bilbo bristled in irritation, he was getting sick of being called shy. He was not shy! Just socially awkward, he couldn't help that though could he? It just happened that he wasn't good at conversing with new people. There was a difference!

"Oh, don't like being called that do we?" chuckled the dancer.

"I'm not shy!" Bilbo grated through his irritation, at this point his nerves were disappearing bit by bit. Being overcome by a more powerful urge to hit that smug look off the dancer's handsome face.

"Oh really?" The dancer laughed, "so that's why you were about to sneak out?"

That stunned Bilbo into silence, his mouth flapped open and shut like a fish as he attempted to think of something to say. Had the dancer been watching him? If so, for how long? A predatory smile spread across the dancer's face.

"You planned on slipping through the shadows to the door to leave didn't you? That's why you've been eyeing off the door for the past five minutes, have you not?" He paused for a moment as he moved slowly forward, Bilbo just stood there like a deer caught in headlights as the dancer's hand reached out to take hold of the tie. "And with my tie, no less."

Bilbo still couldn't find his voice as he watched the dancer's eyes slowly travel from his hand, where it held the tie, up to meet Bilbo's wide-eye stare. Bilbo's swallowed thickly as those eyes seemed to find his soul and stare deeply into it.

"You can't hide from me, thief in the shadows."

Something clicked in Bilbo enough for him to blurt out, "I was going to leave it." The dancer continued to stare, face unchanging, so Bilbo further clarified faintly, "O-on the chair."

"I'm sure you did," the dancer hummed disbelievingly.

Was it just Bilbo, or did he feel a slight tug on the tie? Bilbo just couldn't think well through the fog that had made its way through his brain. While Bilbo was struggling to comprehend the situation, he could only grasp enough of himself to admire the man's eyes. They really were such an incredible colour, like he had captured the clearest ocean in his eyes. Bilbo was so lost, that he didn't realise he had missed something until a quick short breathe was blown into his face. Bilbo blinked several times.

"Hello?" The dancer said, "Are you still with me here?"

"Yes!" Bilbo replied a bit startled.

He heard the dancer let out a chuckle and the tug that he felt on the tie earlier, turned into a pulling motion. Bilbo was slowly being brought closer towards the dancer, which really wasn't that far. It only took a few seconds for Bilbo's face to become an inch away from the dancers. Bilbo's heart and breathe quickened, he felt like his eyes were as wide open as humanly possible. Did he even have eyelids anymore? All he could see was the dancer's perfect face and he had no idea what to do. The dancer just laughed quietly.

"What's your name, Thief?" The dancer asked.

"Bilbo," he answered, unable to comprehend that the dancer was still calling him a thief.

"Bilbo." The named was drawn out so slowly that it sounded so sinful. Bilbo whimpered quietly and silently prayed to anyone that was listening that the dancer hadn't heard it. The dancer smirked and blew another breathe onto Bilbo's face, except this time slower. Bilbo continued to look startled and blinked through the breath. He had no idea what to do.

"Smaug."

Bilbo blinked again. He wasn't sure he heard right, "I'm sorry?"

The dancer rolled his eyes and said, "My name, Smaug."

"Oh." Said Bilbo, unable to think of what else to say. His brain was barely functioning, he was surprised that he could even form a word.

"Dance?" Smaug asked, but in the tone he gave it in, it was more like demand.

Bilbo just nodded because, really, what else could he do? Smaug released the tie and took him by the hand to lead him further onto the dance floor and to a darker spot of the room, closer to the door.

"Just the way you like it, close to the exit and in the shadows" laughed Smaug.

Bilbo didn't have enough time to think about how Smaug had trapped right where he wanted to go earlier, before he was yanked by the tie towards Smaug. Bilbo's chest slammed into Smaug and he hit with an overwhelming and intoxicating cologne. How had he not noticed how good he had smelt before? This man was like sex on legs! Bilbo took in a deep breathe before he placed back upright by Smaug.

"A bit clumsy are we?" Smaug asked smugly.

Bilbo frowned, mentally scolding himself for being drawn in for so long before turning his frown to the smug looking dancer in front of him, and pushing him back a step. "No I'm not clumsy but I do tend to lose balance when being yanked around by a tie! A tie, by the way, that I was not trying to steal that belongs to quite the arrogant little dancer."

"Little – " Smaug began, but Bilbo refused to let him start again.

"I will not stay for a dance with such loathsome company. Even if I did dance!" As Bilbo finished talking, he began lifting the tie off. Of course, as the tie refused to loosen any more than it had, it had a hard time pulling it off his head. With a huff of exhaustion and annoyance, he gave up, leaving the tie wrapped around his forehead, feeling very humiliated. He had hoped he could remove it in one go and storm out. Bilbo looked up as he heard a deep rumble of laughter in front of him and frowned as he looked up at Smaug.

"You're adorable!" Smaug said with a genuine smile.

"And you're a jerk!" Bilbo retorted, still frowning.

The laughter continued as Smaug reached out to tug on the tie, pulling Bilbo back towards him. Bilbo was about to say something when the dancer started to fiddle with the tie. Being the humble man that he was, Bilbo grumbled a "Thank you" as Smaug worked on the tie.

"You really tightened the knot" Smaug said in good humour.

Bilbo continued to stare straight ahead, which coincidentally happened to be in the same direction as the dancer's chest. Bilbo had a flashback of how toned the muscles beneath that shirt was and he had a sudden urge to reach out and ran his hands along them. When the pressure around his head finally loosened, he sighed in relief and looked up at the dancer with a vacant face.

"Thank you" Bilbo grumbled.

"You're quite welcome" said Smaug, smiling at him with amusement.

They stood there for an awkward moment before Bilbo cleared his throat. "Well I'll be off. I bid you a good night."

"You aren't actually leaving?" Smaug said incredulously, "You owe me a dance."

"No I don't," Bilbo said confidently with his head held high and chest puffed out, "Just watch me!" And with that, Bilbo promptly turned away (with a little regret) and walked out the door. He had had quite enough for one night and longed for the comfort of his home and cosy bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Bilbo had felt his phone buzz in his pocket a few times in the cab ride home, but he was in no mood to talk to anyone right now. He just wanted to get home and tuck himself into bed, maybe even spoil himself with a little dessert beforehand. He had gone through enough 'excitement' for one night and didn't feel up for talking to any of his traitorous 'friends' that had tricked him out in the first place. It really was all their fault for everything that had happened. Bilbo felt his cheeks flamed as he relived the embarrassment of the tie getting stuck around his forehead.

Bilbo groaned and wiped a hand over his face, willing himself to erase the memory from existence. The tired looking cab driver gave a worried look through the rear-view mirror and made a gruff mention of being kicked out of the cab if he threw up. Bilbo wasn't really paying attention as his thoughts drifted back to the dancer. He frowned at the thought of his cocky attitude, really it was quite repulsive and such a waste of good looks as well. Bilbo sighed and shook his head; such is the world these days.

His thoughts drifted away as Bilbo watched the city scenery pass before him and slowly turn into more quiet suburbia neighbourhoods. As the cab turned into his street, he felt the exhaustion of the night weigh on him greatly and thought he would more than likely skip his dessert. He nodded and thanked the cab driver as he exited the cab and headed up the path to his front door. Bilbo had lived in this house since he was a child, and his mother had left it to him in her will. He pulled out his keys and let himself in, careful to check that he had locked it before walking to his room.

As soon as he entered his room, he toed off his shoes, pulled off his jacket and promptly dropped it onto the floor, flopping heavily onto his bed in the same movement. He sighed in bliss and relaxed for a few more moment before he moved to take off his socks and pants. Bilbo pulled back the covers and snuggled underneath them, thoroughly tired he had no trouble finding sleep.

Bilbo was having a wonderful dream of snuggling into a warm chest that smelt incredible and strong arms wrapped around. That was, of course, until he was startled out of his wonderful dream by the shrill ringtone of his phone. Only after Bilbo had gotten over his initial shock and had calmed his heart to a reasonable state did he go searching for his phone. He leaned over the side of his bed, scrambling for the phone hoping he could reach it without having to leave the comfort of his bed. He gave a small sound of victory as he snatched the phone from his jacket pocket and pulled himself back up to rest against the head of his bead.

As he looked at the caller ID he gave a little disgruntled sound when he saw who it was. Bofur. Bilbo was still feeling a little bitter towards his co-workers and would hold last night against them for quite a while. Bilbo still felt humiliation from last night and glowered when an image of Smaug laughing at him popped into his head. When the call rang out, Bilbo's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he saw how many missed calls and messages he had from his co-workers. He scrolled down to the oldest messages and read them in order.

Fili: Biiiiillllllbbboooo! Where did you goooooooo? Uncle Thorin is so worried about you!

Kili: Bilbo! I think your dancer friend misses you! ;)

Thorin: Bilbo! Where did you go? Why aren't you answering any of our calls?

Bofur: Laddie! Where did you go? Are you coming back?

Bilbo felt a bit guilty that he had worried his friends so much but that quickly changed when he read Bofur's latest message.

Bofur: Hope you don't mind laddie, but I gave that dancer of yours, your number. He seemed a little crushed when you left him standing there and I felt kind of bad for him. But let's face it, he really didn't stand a chance against your charms now did he? ;)

Bilbo's stomach dropped and his heart leapt into his throat. Did he actually just read that right? Or was he imagining it? He reread the text and pinched his arm, to be certain he wasn't having a nightmare but nope, there it was. Just when he thought everything was over and locked safely behind a vault door, Bofur had to blow it wide open again. Why? Why was this happening to him? Had he done something wrong in a previous life? What could he have possible done, that the universe (and his friends) thought this whole situation was completely necessary.

He unlocked his phones and scrolled through his call log and his message log to see if any unknown numbers had contacted him. Bilbo sighed a little in relief hoping that the dancer wasn't interested, before it quickly morphed into a rage and he reopened Bofur's messages and started to type out an angry reply.

Bilbo: How dare you give out my phone number without asking me first! What part of last night even remotely showed that I was interested in Smaug? Honestly Bofur sometimes I think there isn't a brain in that head of yours –

Bilbo was interrupted in typing his angry message as he saw an unknown number's messaged pull down in a small banner at the top of his screen.

Unknown Number: Hello, Thief

Bilbo's heart thumped hard against his chest and his eye widened with panic as he read those two words. He stared at his phone in shock, not even breathing as if the dancer could see him if he moved. When the need for oxygen overwhelmed him, he took in a deep breath and his eyes moved back to the angry text that he had been typing. The anger had faded and anxiety took over Bilbo's brain and he had lost the words that he had wanted to convey. So he wiped what he had originally typed out and instead typed out a simpler message before sending it.

Bilbo: I hate you.

With an afterthought Bilbo sent another short message.

Bilbo: So much.

Bilbo couldn't deal with this much anxiety when he first woke up so he muted and locked his phone before throwing it to the other side of his queen sized bed. With too much nervous energy Bilbo could no longer stay in bed and threw off the covers before heading to the bathroom for a shower.

Bilbo didn't revisit his bedroom to retrieve his phone he had a clearer head after his shower and did not wish to join reality with all his real world problems. Instead he wandered towards his kitchen to make some breakfast. There was nothing like a good cup of tea and some jam on toast to soothe ones nerves. Bilbo boiled the kettle and put a few slices of bread in the toast before making his way outside to fetch the Sunday newspaper.

He returned to the kitchen with the newspaper tucked under his arm, to finish making his breakfast. Bilbo took it out to the living room placing his mug and plate on the small table next to his favourite winged back chair. He gently eased himself into his chair and opened the newspaper. Bilbo lost himself in his morning ritual, but as he finished his toast and his tea got lower and lower he knew he had to get up to do the chores around the house.

He folded up the newspaper and left it on the side table and picked up his mug and plate, taking it back to the kitchen. He tidied up his kitchen cleaning up after his breakfast and washing and stray dishes or cutlery. After he had finished in the kitchen, he vacuumed what he could of the house. When he reached his bedroom however, he sighed at the mess he had left it in. He picked up the socks, pants and jacket he had left on the floor and took them to the laundry. He placed them all in the washing machine as well as some other items and turned it on.

He returned to the bedroom and started to remake his bed. As he finished tucking the sheets in, he heard a muted buzzing sound coming from the other side of the bed. Bilbo swallowed thickly before shaking his head, this was his home dammit! He would not let the people on the other end of the phone make him feel uncomfortable in his own home. He straightened out and stormed over to pick up his phone. He only had two messages from the unknown number.

Unknown Number: Left a little abruptly last night didn't we, Thief?

Unknown Number: Are you ignoring me, Thief?

Bilbo felt irritation bubble up within him and typed out a hasty reply that he regretted sending instantly.

Bilbo: I'M NOT A THIEF! I WAS GOING TO LEAVE THAT DAMN TIE ON THE CHAIR AND GO!

Bilbo slapped his hand to his face and scolded himself for even replying. He could have not replied at all! He could have pretended to be someone else! But no, he had to let his anger get the better of him. His phone buzzed in his hand in the middle of his reprimanding and he almost dropped it.

Unknown Number: Ahhh, there you are Thief.

Bilbo could hear the smug tone coming from his smug looking face as he read the reply. He frowned again as he realised he had been baited into replying by the insult and had fallen prey to his foe's tactics. Bilbo scoffed and thought that he wouldn't fall for the same trick twice. Bilbo was startled yet again as his phone buzzed in his hand, but this time it was an incoming call from an unknown caller. Bilbo scoffed at his phone again and thought that the dancer must think him an idiot if he thought Bilbo was going to answer such a call from such an arrogant person.

When the phone rang out Bilbo smiled a small victory smile before the phone buzzed again with the incoming call. When he let it ring out a second time, he frowned as it called a third time. During the third call, a message banner slid down from the Unknown Number.

Unknown Number: I will keep calling until you pick up.

Bilbo had to wait until the call rang out until he could reply, but as soon as he began typing out his message telling the dancer that that was called harassment, he cursed as the incoming call screen prevented him from actually typing it. Feeling rather frustrated and getting to the end of his rope, Bilbo answered the phone.

"What?!" he demanded fiercely.

"My, my! Do you speak to your mother with that voice?" Smaug's voice came through all silky and smug sounding.

Bilbo could not help what came out of his mouth next, hoping that it would throw off the arrogant fool, "My mother is dead. What do you want?"

Bilbo felt he had won a small victory as the man on the other end seemed to falter. But it wasn't for long. His reply, however was enough to stun Bilbo, "I'm sorry." And truly he did sound remorseful.

Bilbo pitied him for a moment so gave the man a break, "It's fine, happened a while ago. What do you want?" he asked again.

"Well you did leave quite abruptly yesterday, even after you tried to steal my tie. Quite rude, if you ask me, especially since you still owe me a dance."

The moment was over and Bilbo stuttered over several outraged replies. "I wasn't – ! I owe you nothing! You were the one who assumed that I wanted to dance! I don't even dance!"

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself when I first noticed you. Honestly every time I looked in your direction, you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off me! Like you hadn't seen anything like me before. Now you tell me, why would I ignore such adoring attention"

Bilbo was shocked into silence. Who the hell talked like this? Surely the other patrons were looking at him in the same way. "You're a dancer," he stated weakly. "Surely you get stared at like that all the time, I would assume is what comes with your line of work, doesn't it?"

Smaug hummed softly before saying, "Oh yes, it's part of the job description. But something in your eyes was completely…. Different."

The way Smaug was talking now Bilbo couldn't tell whether he liked it or if it made him feel uncomfortable. He was completely speechless, he had no idea what to say next and wracked his brain to find something. Luckily he was saved by the dancer as he spoke again.

"You keep saying you don't dance, fine. How about dinner? Tonight." Smaug said promptly as if the decision was already made.

"No." Bilbo said instantly, his eyes widened in shock and his hand slapped over his mouth as he hadn't even meant to say anything.

"No." The dancer deadpanned.

Bilbo hesitated a little before sticking by his answering, "No."

He began rubbing his fingers together nervously on the hand that was not currently occupied by holding the phone up to his ear.

The phone was silent for a moment longer before Smaug finally spoke again. "Tonight, 7pm at the Red Dragon."

Bilbo was going to reply before the line was cut off. Smaug had just hung up on him. Bilbo just stared at the phone in shock. He tried messaging his refusal to Smaug but he got no reply whatsoever. Bilbo was starting to feel panic flare in the pit of his stomach.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

To those who are still with me... OH DEAR GOD I'M SO SORRY! I hope that you can forgive me it has been way too long and unfortunately it was due to a lot of stress at work causing me to lack in motivation and inspiration for my writing. BUT I have since quit my job and started anew! So hopefully I can continue with more regular updates. I hope to post another chapter ASAP but I will not make any promises as life can be quite unpredictable! So Without further ado... CHAPTER FOUR!

 **Chapter Four**

Bilbo once again found himself dumbfounded as to what to do next because of this dancer! Why couldn't he just be rid of this confounding and infuriating man! The dread that had begun to seep into his stomach quickly changed to anger as he thought about how Smaug thought he could order him around! Like as if Bilbo would come running just because he called! Bilbo took a deep breathe to clear his mind and the overwhelming feelings. He needed to think this through clearly so he could resolve this in a manner that wouldn't resolve into Smaug turning into an angry dragon.

Smaug had turned off his phone to ignore anymore incoming refusals, which was clear. But Bilbo was not going to let the man get the better of him, the way Smaug was acting was completely childish. Bilbo would stick by his initial answer of refusal and would not let him intimidate him into coming. Bilbo decided to type out a single last message to Smaug, he knew that if he didn't show up Smaug would surely turn his phone on to try and contact him to see where he was. Even if that would be a bit late, regardless that would be his own fault for acting in such a demanding and immature way. Perhaps this will help him learn a lesson.

Bilbo unlocks his phone and began to type, he typed and deleted the message several times until he was happy with the end result. Bilbo set down his phone on his bedside table and resumed his cleaning. As he finished cleaning up his room he heard the tune indicating the washing machine was finished. Bilbo sighed a little and moved away from his room to continue his cleaning routine. Bilbo tried to keep his mind away from the message to Smaug and his possible reactions. He knew he would be angry that was certain but Bilbo would not allow Smaug to let Bilbo be the source of the anger. If anyone was to blame it was Smaug with his assumptions and forwardness and inability to accept 'No' as an answer.

"Stupid, bloody arrogant, fool. Honestly who does he think he is?" Bilbo muttered to himself as he opened the back door to hang out his washing. Even though he was angry, Bilbo still felt slightly anxious at the inevitable conversation that he would have before the end of the night. He sighed again loudly and finished hanging up his washing, this was going to be a long day.

Bilbo milled around the house trying to ignore the buzzing feeling of anxiety that travelled through him. After failing to distract himself, he settled into his favourite arm chair and turned on the documentary series that he had been watching. Bilbo was eventually able to forget about his troubles and lost track of time.

He wasn't sure when he dozed off but w he awoke again the episode he was watching must had been finished quite some time ago as the light outside was fading. Holding up his wrist up to check his watch, Bilbo's eyes widened and saw that it was 5:30pm he didn't think that he was so tired but his body must have needed the rest. As the events of the past few days came back to him Bilbo sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. If he was being honest he was not looking forward to dealing with a sour Smaug but the thought of gaining the upper hand made Bilbo feel quite smug and proud of himself.

Usually he wouldn't resort to such actions, it was against everything he had learnt from his family growing up. But there was only so much that he could take before taking desperate actions in a time of need. Bilbo decided that he needed a distraction from the negative and anxiety inducing thoughts that his current situation brought him. What better way to distract oneself then with the company of friends. Bilbo moved upstairs and into his room to retrieve his phone before pulling up his text messages to the lads from work.

Little Thief to The Lads: Pub feed?

Bilbo rolled his eyes at the username change in the group chat obvious Fili or Kili had their fun after their night out. He was just about to put his phone in his pocket when a notification sound pinged.

Thor to The Lads: I was just making arrangements with Dwalin but a get together sounds like a grand idea!

Little Thief to The Lads: Great shall we meet at the Green Dragon?

Killer to The Lads: Fili and I are totally there!

Thor to The Lads: Kili did you change my username to 'Thor'?

Killer to The Lads: Why uncle whatever are you talking about?

Philanderer to The Lads: I quite like my new username even if it is a bit harsh it does ring true enough to my nature

Thor to The Lads: Oh my god how am I related to you children?

Killer to The Lads: Hey! We're not children!

Philanderer to The Lads: I would be quite concerned if I were a child with my username!

Bilbo laughed at the conversation the agreed upon time was 7:00pm which gave Bilbo a small sense of victory as he would be spending his time in much more pleasant company. Thorin had explained that he would be a little later due to something coming up at work but Fili and Kili said that they would be there early getting a head start on their drinking. Ori, Bofur and Bombur expressed their interest in joining them but were unsure whether or not they could.

Deciding that he could use the interactions with his friends Bilbo decided to meet them earlier. Bilbo had a quick shower and got dressed before heading out to the pub. When he got there he was treated to the sight of Kili, Fili and Ori having a chugging contest with their pints. Bilbo laughed as Kili tipped his cup upside over his head, standing up on the foot rest of his stool and cheering his victory.

"The next two rounds are on you lads!" Kili boasted.

Fili and Ori grumbled in good nature as they finished off their pints as quickly as they could. Bilbo wandered up to them and took the empty stool next to Kili, the three men cheering as they noticed his arrival.

"What'll you be having Little Thief? It's on them" Kili asked as he pointed a thumb over his shoulder.

Bilbo pointedly stared at him and asked "So it was you who changed my username huh?"

"Whatever are you talking about?" Kili asked trying and failing to keep a straight face.

Bilbo chose to ignore the mischievous youngster in favour of telling him of his drink "Apple cider."

"You heard the man!" laughed Kili "Who's paying?"

Fili began ordering their next round which was when Bofur and Bombur arrived causing more cheers all round. Bofur joined Bilbo pulling a stool from a nearby table and plopping himself heavily into it while Bombur joined Ori and Fili who were arguing who would win in a drinking contest between Bofur and Bombur.

"We'll gladly put that to the test after we got some food into us!" Bofur said cheerily.

"But that's not for a while!" complained Fili.  
"Well I suppose you could philander your way around the pub to kill the time" quipped Bofur.  
This caused a roar of laughter come from the whole group gaining more than a few unimpressed glares from the other patrons. Bilbo felt a sense of ease around his friends and was happy that they were able to be there for him even if they didn't know the reason why he needed them. Slowly the rest of the group joined them and they had to go in search of a t bale to seat them all.

Thorin was the last to arrive and a pint of ale was set in front of him as he sat at the head of the table. He nodded his thanks to the waitress and was greeted heartedly from everyone around the table.

"I see you've been having fun while I've been working away." Thorin jested.

"Aye lad we've had quite some fun! Bombur can outdrink anyone within the group who have been brave enough to challenge him, those who did go against him and lost owed him a pint. This is why he is currently in such a fantastic mood." Bofur said cheerfully.

A chorus of chuckles floated around the table as the waitress approached their tables.

"What would you like fellas?" she asked with a cheery voice and a big smile.

Everyone went around the table one by one and told her their orders once she left Bilbo felt a surge of panic flood through him as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He frowned, disappointed that he felt this way seeing as Smaug was the one that was being completely ridiculous about this whole thing. Not to mention he was surrounded by some of his most fiercely protective friends, if things felt too overwhelming for him Bilbo could simply ask them for advice.

Bilbo became distracted from his phone as another pint of apple cider was set in front of him by Kili who challenged him to a drinking contest. He gave a chuckle as he knew full well that Kili was just trying to wheedle a free drink out of him, still he gave it his best as he chugged as much of the drink he could. As it turns out Bilbo can chug very quickly when he's feeling anxious and a sense of victory and pride fell over him as he overturned his cup above his head. An eruption of cheers and laughter passed around the table at the disbelief on Kili's face and the victorious look on Bilbo's.

"Looks like you owe me another pint, Killer" Bilbo grinned.

The look of disbelief changed to one of amusement as Kili replied, "Alright Little Thief, I'll go fetch you one now."  
The heavy feeling in Bilbo's stomach returned as he was reminded of his current situation. His phone then decided to buzz again in his pocket, Bilbo frowned and debated on whether or not he should just turn it off so he could forget about his problem altogether and enjoy his night out. But he felt like if he didn't at least read the message he would become increasingly antsy throughout the night enough so for his friends to realise something was wrong.

With a resigned sigh and a steely determination Bilbo pulled out his from his pocket just enough to see the top of the screen. What Bilbo read surprised him;

Unknown Number: Despite being stood up on our first date I'm willing to give you another chance, however, I concede that I may have been a little… brash about the whole ordeal. So I'll let you organise the place and the time that is if you are willing to give me a chance.

Bilbo honestly was not expecting that sort of reaction compared to his earlier more demanding text messages. The feeling of anxiety and dread he had was washed over with a sense of relief as he thought that there may be a way to resolve this situation amicably. That was until he read the second message.

Uknown Number: Are you seriously ignoring me right now?

Bilbo panicked a bit before typing out his own message.

Bilbo: Sorry I'm currently out with some friends at the moment but I promise I'll message as soon as I'm able to get the chance.

Bilbo shoved his phone back into his pocket as his plate of roast beef, potatoes and carrots was set on the table in front of him. He was halfway through his meal when his phone buzzed, Bilbo was content to leave it until he had finished eating when it continued to vibrate. He swallowed heavily what was in his mouth, the taste turning sour in his mouth. Pulling the phone out slightly just to be sure, when the caller idea confirmed his suspicions a feeling on dread settled into his stomach. Smaug was calling, this can't be good.

 **A/N :**

Cliff Hangeeeerrrr! I bet you guys hate me haha I'm sorry, I know! I'm positively evil! I apologise for any mistakes as I have no beta so please bear with me on that!

For those who were a bit confused with the username changes:

Little Thief = Bilbo  
Thor = Thor  
Killer = Kili  
Philanderer = Fili

And yes it was Kili that changed them all if it wasn't obvious enough ahaha

Thank you to everyone who is still reading this even though it may have seemed abandoned, it was always on my mind and I'm glad that I was finally able to update. Hopefully I can stick to more regular updates! XxTop of Form


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Bilbo stared at his phone, half hanging out of his pocket and vibrating menacingly at him. Bilbo was so enthralled by his phone that he started at the sound of Bofur clearing his throat to get his attention.

"Are you going to get that, laddie, or are you just going to stare at it?" he jested.

"Uhm… I don't wish to be rude, I'll return their call later" Bilbo said.

"Don't be ridiculous." Thorin added, "Go take your call we'll all be here when you return."

Sounds of agreement rang around the table as they continued to eat and drink. Bilbo swallowed a lump in his throat, silently cursing that his friends were so understanding. He nodded before slowly standing to make his way to the front of the pub. The cool night air was welcomed as he wiped his clammy palms along the front of his pants. Just as Bilbo reached for his phone and pulled it out, the phone stopped ringing.

Bilbo just stared at his phone for a moment not daring to hope but when it stayed silent for a full minute he couldn't prevent the feeling from washing over him. Letting out a small sigh of relief his feeling of victory was short lasting as it began ringing again. With dread churning in his stomach Bilbo took in a deep breath and swiped to accept the call.

"Hello?"

"Are you telling me" a slow drawl filtered into his ear, "That you stood me up to go have a boys night out?"

Though Bilbo was feeling anxious he refused to let the man get a get a hold on him, he simply refused to be treated this way!

"What of it?" Bilbo bit out.

"That's not very good relationship material now is it?"

Bilbo sputtered, "Wha-… I don-… we don't even know each other! There is no relationship here!"

"Well not with that attitude no" Smaug sounded more amused than angered like Bilbo had first thought he would be.

"I'm not the one who was acting like a petulant child! Maybe had you been a little _nicer_ I would feel more inclined to spend time with. As it is however you _weren't_ so I _don't_. You have no one to blame but yourself."

There was silence for a moment before he heard an intake of breath sound before it was let out slowly.

"That is… a valid assessment. I perhaps acted a little… obnoxiously."

Bilbo was taken aback, "I'm sorry, what?"

He couldn't believe how relenting Smaug was being. This was a complete turnaround compared to his earlier interactions, maybe he suffered from mild mood swings… Perhaps mild was putting it a little too lightly.

"I'm… confused. Amongst other things, what is it that you want?" Bilbo asked

"I already told you."

"Humour me" he deadpanned.

"A date, you choose where and when and I'll be there."

Bilbo stared at his phone incredulously, he had absolutely no idea what when on through this madman's head! As if, after the way he had treated Bilbo earlier, he would be any different after he got what he wanted. Despite sounding relenting the man still assumes that Bilbo would even consider dating him. Whatever it was that Smaug wanted, he had no idea but Bilbo was going to shut this down once and for all. Taking a deep breathe Bilbo steeled himself for Smaug's response.

"I appreciate your offer and your interest in me but I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline." He said gently.

Bilbo started and frowned when he heard Smaug's guffaw through the phone which only cause Bilbo to become angry. Who did this man think he was? Disrespectful that much was apparent!

"What are you laughing about?" Bilbo snapped.

"This isn't a job offer that you're turning down!" Smaug laughed.

"No it's you." Bilbo said curtly, he'd had enough. "And I'm currently busy as this point in time so, if that's all I bid you a good night and a good life and never contact me again, thank you."

"No wa-"

Bilbo refused to listen to anything else that was said and hung up effectively cutting Smaug off. In more than one way. He smiled to himself feeling a little lighter now that he had finally dealt with the problem that had been plaguing him. He jogged back inside stopping to order another apple cider on his way back in and returned to the table where the lads were laughing quite boisterously at something that Kili had said.

"Everything alright?" Thorin asked upon his return.

"Yeah absolutely! Just tying up some loose ends." Bilbo smiled.

Bilbo finished eating his food, now that his mind was freed from the emotional turmoil it was suffering early he was a lot happier and his food actually tasted of food. When everyone had finished eating and their plates had been cleared away Fili and Kili began banging a beat on the table, several groans and grumbles were muttered (namely from Bilbo) but eventually everyone joined in.

"This song is getting old boys" Thorin grumbled in good humour as he joined in.

"Never, uncle!" Fili said delighted.

Kili laughed before he began singing the song they have come to call 'Blunt the Knives'. The one time that he had invited the lads over for a home cooked meal they were rather… rambunctious about the cleaning up, if that were even possible. It gave Bilbo the heart attack of a life time and they had just started mocking him by singing what he shouted at them. Needless to say they were never invited over again, always opting for a meal out, but the song never failed to come up on occasion.

Normally Bilbo would be feeling disgruntled at this but he was in a great mood and laughed as each of the lads joined in, even singing himself throughout some parts of the song. After the song ended the group was in high spirits, Kili and Fili had somehow managed to find themselves in an argument over whether or not Kili could defeat Dwalin in an Arm wrestling match. This resulted in the pair trying to convince the man into an arm wrestling match. Dwalin only conceded if they both bought his a drink for the initial match and another drink from Kili if he lost. The boys quickly agreed and left to get Dwalin his drinks, Fili made fun of his brother the entire way to and from the bar. The match was short lived with Kili struggling to keep his arm up (only because Dwalin let him) before it was slammed into the table.

Fili tried his hardest not to laugh at his brother's loss but lost it completely when Kili began shaking and rubbing his hand as he complained about the pain. Kili shot his brother a glare before turning to Dwalin to ask for a rematch. This caused the entire table to erupt in laughter before Kili was sent off to get Dwalin the drink that he owed him.

The night came to an end rather early considering the nights they usually had on the weekend but Bilbo didn't mind he got the distraction he needed, rid himself of an annoyance and was feeling pleasantly buzzed from all the alcohol he drank. Bilbo waved them off as they left one by one, or in pairs in some cases as he nursed his last drink for the night. Kili complained to his brother about his sore hand again and Fili suggested that maybe he should go to the hospital to check for broken bones.

Soon it was just he and Bofur left and they moved to sit at the bar.

"You don't have to go as well?" Bilbo asked him.

"Trying to get rid of me eh laddie?" quipped Bofur.

"No!" Bilbo said as his eyes widened. "That's not what I meant!"

"Relax, Bilbo! I was joking!" Bofur laughed as Bilbo's face melted to a more relieved looking face.

Bilbo punched Bofur's arm and the two them chuckled in their glasses as they took another drink. Bofur was silent for a moment as he pulled out his phone and glanced at the message he just received, he downed the rest of his drink before turning back to Bilbo.

"Actually, laddie I think it's time that I did head off." Bofur stood up from where he was sitting.

"What but you just said you were staying." Bilbo said confused.

"Yes well something came up." Bofur said, he hesitated before adding. "Please don't hate me and… just hear the man out, I believed he's a good egg."

Bilbo frowned feeling very confused, his brain not quite catching up to what Bofur was saying.

"Why're leaving so suddenly? What do you mean hate you? Who are you talking about?" Bilbo babbled out his questions.

"You'll see…" Bofur said as he placed his hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "Have a good night, Bilbo."

"Yeah o-okay you too, I'm still confused but okay."

He frowned as he watched Bofur make his way down to the entrance of the pub only stopping to say something along of the lines of "Good luck" to a man that held the door open for him. Bilbo's haze of confusion was suddenly cleared as he recognised the man holding the door open for his friend. Bilbo's head became very light as his breathing escalated and left him altogether when the man's gaze fell on him. He smiled a very predatory smiled and waved with just a small flick of his hand to Bilbo as he closed the door after Bofur.

Smaug.


End file.
